I get asked how to handle tantrums so so often on my Instagram account, so a few weeks ago I decided to invite an expert to talk about the subject. And this now she is back to share some more insight on dealing with tantrums when there is more than one child needing your attention.

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting, managing anxiety, and building resilience. If you want to learn how to better manage meltdowns and improve your child’s emotion regulation, you can purchase this course which will teach you how to do exactly that through a connection-based, practical approach.

Dr. Becky describes a situation where an older child has a tantrum that requires her to help address it, but there is a younger sibling that also needs attention. A brief summary is below, but she has a very good perspective and I encourage you to watch.

• If this was a one-on-one situation, then this would be the skill based strategy for dealing with tantrums that Dr. Becky shared with us last month.
• With multiple children, there is no great strategy here. There are skill building moments and there are survival moments. This is a survival moment.
• The goal is to not make things worse. Not much you can do to make it better. It looks messy because it is messy. Not because you are doing anything wrong.
• Older child is having a meltdown, tell younger child that you are taking the older child to the room, but to come and find you if he is having issues making good decisions.
• Take older child into the room and tell her “My main job is keeping you safe and right now that means us going in a smaller room. You are a good kid, you are not in trouble., I know you are having a hard time. We are going to get through this.”
• Meanwhile younger child starts to scream. Say to the older one. “You need a mommy and your brother needs a mommy. Everyone wants their own mommy. But there is only one mommy.” I will be back in just a minute.
• In the end, Dr. Becky says this probably ends with all three sitting on the floor. One child on one side, other child on the other side. I know you want mommy to yourself, and your brother wants mommy to himself. But there is only one mommy. I know nobody is getting what they want. It is hard and I get it.”

I hope that this helps you handle tantrums with your kids. I loved these tips! You can find Dr. Becky on her website, Instagram and Facebook.

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