Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting, managing anxiety, and building resilience. If you want to learn how to better manage meltdowns and improve your child’s emotion regulation, you can purchase this course, which will teach you how to do exactly that through a connection-based, practical approach.

1. “It’s OK to feel exactly as you do. I am here.”
2. “You are disappointed. You really know you feel that way.”
3. “Everyone has big feelings. You do, I do, your friends do, your grandparents do…all of us.”
4. “It’s OK to be angry at someone you love. You still love that person, even when you are mad.”
5. “Tears tell us that something important is happening inside our body.”

Many of us were fed a narrative that “strong” means not having feelings, not expressing feelings, always being able to put on a happy or neutral face, not being vulnerable, not showing worries or concerns.

I’m calling BS on this narrative. Right here, right now.

First of all, it’s impossible to not have feelings. We are all living human beings with feelings coursing through our bodies. Feelings make us alive. They’re not a choice.

Feelings are what add color to life. They also tell us all of the important information that we need. Feelings tell us when our surroundings are threatening, when we need to be cautious, when something feels “off” or “not right.” They tell us when we really want something, what our needs are and whether they are being met. Feelings also show what we really care about and who we love. THANK GOODNESS FOR OUR FEELINGS. 

We either learn to experience our feelings, learning that feelings are safe and that while they are intense and at times very painful, we can survive them and even see that they are the source of connectedness – to ourselves and others. Or we learn to suppress our feelings, push them away, deny them, avoid them, criticize them. Now, of course, the feelings are still there. They always are. Our body never lies.

So what is strength? Well, maybe it’s easier to start by saying what it’s not. Not acknowledging what’s happening inside of us, running away to avoid internal sensations, reacting with impulsive anger because feelings are unmanageable… I’m sorry, I just don’t see it. This is not strength. We have to put so much energy into avoiding or denying our feelings – energy that is finite and could be used for so many other things.

Let’s be the generation that changes the story about feelings. Our emotions give us information, purpose, motivation, identity, intuition, connection, drive. Our emotions give us strength.

I hope that you found this information helpful. Comment below to suggest other topics you would like to hear our experts talk about. You can find Dr. Becky on her website, Instagram and Facebook.